Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I am a mole, and I live in Reading


I'd like to congratulate myself on reaching the symbolic (if relatively pathetic) figure of 5,000 pageloads. A small start, but to me it's the equivalent of 1,000 Test runs and Geraint Jones hasn't got that far yet.

Anyway, that man Hutton has written to an MP about moles. There should be more of this writing-silly-letters-to-MPs business. Poor sods. Most of them are older than their party leaders now, so they can't have much pleasure in life.

When I have moved house, there may be a letter to Ann Keen about alien abductions in preparation. Or something similar. I don't think there are enough Greek people on TV these days. What is she going to do about it?

Suggestions for other really serious issues that I could raise with my new MP will be gratefully received.


Blogger Philip said...

1. There are over two million weblogs on the internet. When will the Government standardise computer monitors so that there is guaranteed to be room for them all?

2. Why are there no congestion charges for narrow pavements which play daily host to vast armies of semi-immobile pensioners and pram-pushers?

3. Faith schools for Liberal Democrats.

4. My next-door neighbour has not registered his Oyster card and brazenly brags about the fact. What has he got to hide, should I call the anti-terrorist squad and what is the Government going to do about it?

5. Faith schools for England cricket supporters.

8:20 pm  
Blogger Philip said...

6. Why oh why is public transport just as inefficient for those who pay their fares, and even for the disadvantaged and disabled, as it is for fare dodgers and asylum seekers? Why cannot the Government do more to ensure that public transport inefficiency is rationally distributed so that it impacts most upon those who most deserve it?

5:56 pm  
Blogger Philip said...

7. Why oh why is Eustace considered a poofy name by the ignorant and backsliding? There have almost certainly been many great Eustaces in history, yet none of them springs immediately to mind. Why does the Government's education reform programme not address this howling Ginnungagap at the heart of school life which strikes at the very bowels of British competitivity?

8:58 pm  
Blogger Oscar Wildebeest said...

You're on a roll, Philip. Or possibly a roll-up.

Thing is, I can't write to her under my real name, as I may wish to use that for genuinely serious letters about her craven support for ID cards, detention without trial, and other trivial matters. If I write to her as 'Oscar Wildebeest', it'll go straight into the loony pile.

I need a suitable pseudonym. Something like Ch... Chall... Challin... yes, something's forming...

10:17 am  

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